How is it going y'all?
Pardon my southern welcome. It's been a long day. I came off writing a hefty psychology essay that was too long for comfort and I felt like writing about something that *does* interest me.
It's been a rather uneventful few weeks since I last updated with a hilarious new entry. School has kept me in a vicegrip and it's not going to loosen up for a few more weeks. Considering I'm pretty much on schedule in terms of assignments, there aren't any worries.
Not for me, anyways.
Sadly enough, the fans (and wrestlers) had to say goodbye to Randy "Savage" Poffo. One violent car crash later and the Macho Man was cruisin' for his booking up above. Figuratively speaking, obviously.
The past few weeks have been rather consistent. TNA Impact Wrestling has some "Cornette Face"- booking going on. (Sting is still champion, Russo is still there; same goes for Bischoff and Hogan). Homegrown talent is still sitting out PPV's. You catch the drift, I'm sure.
WWE has been slightly more entertaining. On one hand, you got a Khali heel turn, which will be about as effective as dieting is for Mark Henry. Khali's new partner in crime seems like a kid who can properly work, so at least one guy is gonna be entertaining when Khali hits the ring. That's definitely less cringeworthy than a Hogan vs Sting match taking place soon.
On the other hand, you've got Randy Orton and Christian working a program around the WHC (though really, the belt's on the wrong guy). Not to mention the fact that the main contender for the diva's title is ... Kelly Kelly.
I realise there's a proper shortage of valid contenders but having Kelly is pushing it. If you look back at Kelly's matches since 2006, you realise she lost a good number of them (about 99%). The sole reason I remember that is because to me, she's the only diva who's cockmelting hot.
At Over the Limit, we saw the debut of Kharma, who is an amazing if not awesome wrestler/diva, despite the fact she resembles King Kong. Or Aja Kong, for good measure. Let's recollect, shall we?
Vignettes aired, a lot. She's probably the only diva who has had a proper build up leading towards her debut. Including the slightly corny "You can't spell Kharma without harm" - shtick. Fair deal, she's good.
So she had this awesome build up, complete with decimating everyone in sight. Then last week, she drops to her knees, cries and everybody's questioning what the fuck is up.
"fuck" is perhaps the best way to describe what is up. Kia Stevens, 270 pounds of hurt, is pregnant. Truthfully, a woman who looks like she eats concrete for breakfast isn't the kinda girl I'd unfurl my schlong to.
But, her obgyn was pretty specific when she asked. She's effectively "expecting". Regardless of the awful timing and possible release she'll be facing ... congratulations, Kia. But if they'll call you Kharmama from now on, I will set fire to the house of Vince Russo. I know he wouldn't have anything to do with it, but he's truly the only one who deserves it. And I'd probably be selling dry grass at the streetcorner if it happened.
In happy news, Jim Cornette is planning to release Cornette face t-shirts! Yippee! And now Maffew (of Botchamania fame) is trying to anxiously contact Cornette, because he's already selling 'em. Heh.
In related news, june 9th is the official "Cornette-face"-day. That day, you are to change your profile picture on various sites to the famous Cornette face. DO IT.
This is probably going to be it for a while. Unless something actually happens that makes me go "huh?" (excluding TNA programming), this won't be updated as frequently as usual (hahaha!)
Oh, I've watched every single episode of Tough Enough so far (except the one aired yesterday) and I simply love the fact that Bill DeMott is a vat of great one-liners. He's like my second-favorite comedian now.
~D.
wuddup?
I don't think I need to explain why I'm unhappy with the current state of affairs on SD. TV time for Mark Henry and Khali? Sheesh, there's ethics to consider. Anyways, last Sunday, The World Heavyweight Championship (which belonged to Edge before he retired, in case WWE didn't stuff that down your throats enough by now) was on the line in a ladder match. A bloodbath and a bunch of bruises later, Edge's best friend Christian unhooked the belt and was declared champion. YAYYYYYYY! Seventeen years and he finally got his first world title.
Ok, let's forget his two previous NWA World title reigns (after all, the WWE championship is the most coveted prize in the business. Ahem). I can live with the fact that WWE won't namedrop a "rival" company. I use that term very loosely these days.
What I can't seem to wrap my head around is the fact that Christian holds it for two days, gets challenged and is forced to drop it. Not to put someone new over ... nope, Christian jobbed so Randy Orton could have his 8th world title. Why the fuck do you want to do this?
Backstage musings claim that Vince, among others, wants Randy Orton to be the actual top dog on SmackDown, and he needs something to exemplify that. No he fucking doesn't. Randy Orton is over, people. Didn't you hear the cheers when his ridiculously cheesy rock music started playing? (I really fucking hate that theme)
It gets "better". Christian seemingly only won the World Title as a favor to Edge. Yup, a favor. The same reason why Rey Mysterio went way out of his league and left Mania 22 with the world title. Christian is well liked, but nobody believes that he's that over. Because fans cheering him does not constitute being over as a face. I must be missing something here.
So now, Randy Orton will headlock his way towards a lengthy, but not-exactly-new-title-reign. I can't say I'm excited. I like Randy's work (aside from the million headlocks) but seriously? Robotic promos galore. Can't wait.
One Chris Jericho immediately went on twitter and announced his displeasure of the fans' malcontent: "To all those bitching about SmackDown: ever think it might be part of a bigger storyline?"
Well, Chris, I hope so, but that still doesn't constitute a two day WHC reign. He could've AT LEAST held on to it for a good three months. You know, averagely speaking. Basically a message of: "Hey, I see you're over. We're gonna give you a run with the belt, but don't get attached to it. Because to us, you're still nothing."
The fact that John Cena's in his umpteenth reign? I wish I could've cared, but spouting the same arguments every time. Nah, he's still too over.
But how shitty WWE's booking may be, you can always rely on TNA to consistently outperform them on shitty angles and poor booking. I may not have been up to date on the whole TNA business, but I gathered that Kurt Angle and Jeff Jarrett are feuding because Angle's ex-wife banged Double J and proceeded to marry the guy. Yay, typical Russo garbage.
Now, Angle and Jarrett have been head-to-head a few times, and then Angle reveals he has a mistress. Boy, Russo is outdoing himself. The mistress is revealed some time later. You already go into it with the idea that it's gonna be shit, and still TNA manages to hit you sideways with something shittier than you expected.
Kurt Angle's mistress? ... Chyna.
Looking for something witty there to go with it? No need to, the idea itself is a fucking joke. Though I'm sure she and Jeff Hardy will get along just fine.
TNA should really get a medal, for charitable purposes and for being consistently underwhelming.
Oh, and the final note: TNA Impact is now "Impact Wrestling", so they can focus on the wrestling aspect and cater to those fans. How do they plan to do that? With about 20-25 minutes of wrestling (part of which poor women's action) in a 2-hour show. Good job, guys.
So while WWE's booking decisions may be consistently strange, they won't have to fear, because TNA is there to make them up north look good. I guess TNA is destined for a 1._ rating 4 life.
~D.
