So, I haven't come across anything that would make me rant like a mofo. Well, not anything I've ranted on before. The wrestling business has got me at a stalemate, so to speak.
But, to ensure interest in this microspace on the world wide web, here's a picture of a woman who is gorgeous, humble, talented and ... whatever other compliment you can think of.
you're welcome. Actually, she's the reason I'm quite behind on wrestling, seeing as I've been watching a lot of shows in which she starred ... until they all got cancelled by those right-winged motherfuckers at Fox Broadcasting.
Might as well plug the shows I've seen. They're out on DVD and are very likely easily pirated too.
Firefly, for one. It's about fucking Space Cowboys! FUCKING HELL YEAH!
Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles, for two. She plays a terminator! I don't know about you all, but if she was hunting to kill me, I'd let her.
Now, I of course have to explain to everyone why I get all giddy whenever someone says "Terminator". Ahnuld Shwartzenekker has nothing to do with that. Seriously.
Oh, and Matt Hardy made his debut in TNA. LOL. When I met him, he was quite nice. Shook his hand and all that shit, but seriously ... he's a humongous tool (by Michael Cole standards). If half the TNA lockerroom sniggers when you arrive, you know there's something wrong.
Oh, and a last message to Kevin Nash: WWE doesn't want you, TNA could do without you. If you say you're retired, do not Funk it up.
Anyone who gets that reference deserves a motherfucking cookie.
Wondering why I used so many fucking F-words? Samuel L. Jackson did my spellcheck.
~D.
One final quote to finish off:
Dudleys: "Terry, you can't piss in that trashcan, we're in public!"
Terry Funk: "Goddammit, I'm the Funker..."
*Terry Funk takes a piss*
This here entry is going to be about various things pertaining to wrestling. I'd like to start off with the following video starring the legendary pro wrestling manager/writer/booker/on-air-personality James E. Cornette, who shouldn't be a stranger to you if you've been watching wrestling for a few years. That, or if you watched Botchamania more than once.
Now, if you didn't care to watch the video at the sight of Dixie Carter, here's the short version. Dixie took part in a YouShoot interview and Jim Cornette, speaking for all the fans, asked why she's keeping Vince Russo employed as a writer. No surprising question coming from Cornette. Big Jim is known to hold a hatred against Russo unmatched by anything else.
Dixie's replies that in wrestling, you have faces and heels (HELLUW! You're talking to a crowd of smarks, they know what faces and heels are) and she pays Vince Russo to draw heat. HOLD THE FUCKING (BANANA)PHONE!
Isn't that supposed to be a wrestler's job? A booker, to me at least, is a guy who creates storylines between two wrestlers based on their overall chemistry, not a guy who brings heat to a company by walking into the office.
Dixie, here's a thought, if you pay Vince Russo to draw heat, all he has to do is show his face on tv every so often. The guy's an asshole who doesn't get along with half the people in your company.
Vince is a two-way man, either you hate his guts because he's fucked up pro wrestling after being instrumental for the attitude era, or you hate him for his poor quality writing. That, or you love him because he's thrown you a bone, which counts for a lot of guys who were on top during WCW's dying breath.
You want him to draw heat? Put him on the roster, simple. Have a few guys who hate his guts stiff the fuck out of him every waking moment to get those over as faces.
Cornette was right on the money when he decided to bugger off out of TNA after Dixie hired Russo. The working environment would've been bad for the man. Now he's in the right place, in a company booked by Delirious, who at least has a wrestling mind.
Even Eric Bischoff doesn't like Russo. Mainly because Russo fucked up Bischoff's instructions multiple times when Eric was in charge of running WCW and the fact that Russo didn't even care. Granted, Eric Bischoff doesn't exactly have a clean slate, but his dedication for the company he works for can't be held against him. Bischoff is what a company needs, a man who is supportive of his employer, but also dares to make bold quotes.
For instance, this week, Bischoff admitted that he doesn't believe TNA will overtake WWE ratings. Of course, Hulk "my wife looks like my daughter and I completely lost touch with wrestling in the late 90's" Hogan claims WWE will soon suffer. Bischoff's claims hold more ground, even though he brings up the blabber of WWE being more of a household name (WE KNOW IT ALREADY!).
Something tells me though, and it's just my gut feeling, that he's not entirely sure where the company is headed, both creatively and business-wise. They're still pushing guys who made name in WWE (Jeff Hardy and Ken Kennedy Anderson for instance) while dropping their homegrown stars off in mid-card matches. No go, bro. Sure, Hardy and Anderson can run for a while, but they won't last forever.
Ken's over 30, he's injury prone. Jeff's an unreliable bastard who suffers from the same delusions as his brother and he's got a rather strong habit of getting court cases for drug busts. Good thing TNA fired Chris Daniels, that's a load off their minds. ... oh wait. Point made.
In the video, I find it lovely that Jim mentions he's speaking for himself, wrestlers and fans alike. Dixie's stuttering and dilettant reply is just the icing on the cake. Lovin' it. These are the kind of things that keep pro wrestling interesting for me.
On to something more lighthearted. I've been actually quite consistent in watching WWE programming (I don't need to elaborate on why I skip TNA programming, do I?) and while their shows have still been of quite miserable level, they do have some nice angles going for the future. Drew McIntyre claiming he's gonna be a better person? CM Punk attacking Cena and joining Nexus? Cena's subsequent hip injury that's gonna keep him sidelined for a good few months? Very, very nice.
Especially CM Punk joining Nexus was a great move. Nexus has been billed as being created solely to kick John Cena's ass. That's the idea I get from the angle over the past few months. With the angle really having run its course, their only choice was to break up the group. The hints were even there, with the group disobeying Barrett's orders and whatnot. Considering the current affairs, this is an excellent way to end it all.
Nexus can now slowly dissolve, with individual members going solo and CM Punk is built up again as a credible heel after a long absence from the ring.
Speaking of that, in closing, CM Punk's absence from the ring has been the most enjoyable time for me. It was namely a brilliant move to put Punk on commentary. He's fantastic. I suggest going on youtube and search for "CM Punk Commentary". To finish off, a few quotes from Punk on commentary:
CM Punk: "Mitsuharu Misawa, Masahiro Chono, ... Yoshi looks up to these guys."
Scott Stanford: "Wow, look at you, these names rolling off your tongue"
CM Punk: "I'm sure you're thinking of Jumbo Tsuruta, Kim Chee, ..."
CM Punk: "Hey welcome back Michael Cole! The show is bad with or without you, but thanks for coming anyway."
The first quote is of course completely lost on today's wrestling fans. Personally, I laughed out loud.
Well, that's it, I'm sick and in no mood to continue on writing. Have a "Happy Hate Russo"-Day today, tomorrow and any day that follows.
I'm running out of original greetings to open this blog so I'll just say: hi.
The last entry was rather short, and this will likely end up not being different (as I write this on the fly, there's no telling, really)
This entry will contain a bit of a lot of everything. First of all, being the metal lubber that I am, I can be happy about some releases in 2011.
Belphegor's releasing their newest brainchild on January 14th, Alestorm will be in the studio recording around the same time and the boys from Amorphis have put forward a tentative release date in May 2011 for their new, original release. I'll be one happy guy, it seems.
Last Sunday, I took a trip to provincial capital ... nothing new as I do that nearly every day, but for a different reason. Anyways, my brother, sister-in-law, myself and my mom went to go and see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I in the movie theatre.
Having heard some very positive reviews from classmates over the past few weeks, I pretty much walked in with a good vibe about it. Of course, that really means I was an easy target for disappointment.
Honestly, the previous 6 movies weren't "good". It translated the vibe of the books but when 2 out of 3 main characters are absolutely shit actors, you've got yourself a problem. FYI, the only solid actor of the three is Rupert Grint.
Anyways, I can gladly say I was pleasantly surprised at how the movie turned out. Not a single one of those classmates lied. Sure, you can mull and critique some scenes that were skipped or rewritten, but I'll leave that to the die-hard picky assholes who get a boner just slagging things off.
The acting in general translated as heartfelt, even though very little really happened. I was actually thinking about it during the intermission. How come they can actually turn something largely uninteresting (the first quarter of the book) into something quite spectacular? The diner scene could've been a final battle, so to speak.
There are negative sides too, though. Asides from the rewrites, naturally. This movie was so spectacular and awesome that I'm finding it difficult bridging the wait to part 2 which will be released as late as mid-July 2011.
The final battle at Hogwarts is truly the one thing I've been greatly looking forward to.
I've seen some wrestling too, don't worry. The last few days, as a form of relaxation after studying I've been watching various CHIKARA vids on youtube. Seriously, the comedy is golden and never gets old.
I mean, how ridiculous can it get? Having a tag team based around a NINTENDO gimmick ... including an old-school NES controller on Player Uno's pants (press start on the pants and he'll pause, no kidding.)
The video (among others) that I saw featured Super Smash Brothers (Player Uno & Player Dos) face off against Incoherence (Delirious & Hallowicked) and it actually showed Delirious shouting names of console systems that he considered better than Nintendo.
"Live in the now, 8-bit".
And their commissioner is Joey Gladstone. Seriously.
I also caught an episode of ROH on HDNet and concluded that since their move to a weekly show, their show has gone down the pooper a bit. Even though the aforementioned Delirious is head booker. Ah well, at least they still offer loads of quality wrestling, which is really what it's all about.
Go and check, CHIKARA reignited my love for pro wrestling, so it's good stuff.
as a little treat:
you'll indeed recognise ex-WWE superstar/jobber Colin Delaney.
I won't be here much in the next few weeks, because I'll be enjoying the fantastic period of exams (yes, I truly love them. It's not a work)
But to keep everyone bothering, I decided to dump a little video here, accompanied with some dry and unimportant text.
Text: There've been some complaints lately about WWE stars no longer using flashy moves as finishers. Never the occasional Death Valley Driver Bomb. Drivers are some of the most innovative moves and usually the most horrifying and intensely beautiful moves. So, below, a collection of how it could've been.
A selection of moves from American Independents, Puro promotions and old-school (Attitude Era) WWF. If you dislike Chemical Brothers, I suggest you mute the video.
the title of the following blog could be misleading. It could mean that I'm currently facing that creativity dry-spell and this blog will be devoid of cynism, sarcasm, overall funny that usually makes any entry juicy enough to be passable.
Or it could mean something else.
Obviously, it is the latter. If otherwise, I wouldn't even bother writing this entry.
On a sidenote: exams are coming up, I'm feeling relaxed as ever. And for a very valid reason, I have a personal war with the French language. Enfin, les testes orale sont un pain in the ass.
The creativity dry-spell I'd like to discuss (read: rant about) is one that's currently faced by the writing team of Monday Night RAW. I realise that complaining about wrestling storylines is getting a little tedious, but come on. If they hadn't sunken to a new low, I wouldn't have cared.
Remember, in my last entry, where I spoke of Cena's farewell? Yeah. Scratch that. Cena's back, but in order for them not to break kayfabe to the kids in the audience (who, I'm pretty sure, have no fucking clue what kayfabe is) they decided to repackage him for the time being into "Juan Cena", John's masked cousin from Mexico.
I nearly fell off my tacky chair when I read that. That is the brilliant idea RAW creative came up with to keep Cena relevant to the audience. A few pointers that they missed on the go:
- Cena hasn't been relevant since Kurt Angle endlessly jobbed to him from september to november 2005. - You don't need to keep Cena on tv, because people are utterly sick of him and would applaud him fucking off for at least a few months. - Use that free time to really think through what new paths Cena could take to actually make him relevant again and not a part of the RAW set.
Obviously, a few people missed the intellectual ship and decided to travel in the Dinghy of Dumbasses. Not only are they insulting our intelligence, they'll probably swerve any die-hard Cena fan out there. Because they're no older than 11 and don't have the intellectual gathering to really understand this absolutely brilliant creative direction.
Reading stuff like this makes me miss the E-feds we used to have on the forums. Back in the day, those E-feds stood for quality writing and interesting storylines.
I remember one particular storyline that was concocted on the fly, by myself and Matt Neve. I don't know if you were part of the forums already, but I suspect you were. Anyways, it ultimately became the basis for an entire pay per view where the roster was branched into two sides. Raven's Flock and Mysterio's Minions (the latter didn't really have a name). Sounds like "Bragging Rights", huh? Well, it happened before Bragging Rights, and it was concocted to write Raven off the fed. It became a smashing success too.
Man, where are the days that I wrote 8 pages worth of segment for a show, without really knowing what I would be writing when I'd start (much like these blogs, really). "A Day in the life of The Hurricane" for example. Wrote it completely on the fly, and I still lol at it from time to time.
But the point I'm trying to make is, that if a simple kid, then 18 years old, can write a well balanced and carefully thought out segment, why can't a team of experience writers do the same? Why do they come up with such crap ideas?
Lack of time? They have a week to write RAW, and more time to think out storylines.
Lack of knowledge? They have been working on it for a long time now. They'll be at least somewhat knowledgeable by now.
Lack of interest? This seems ever more likely. With every great idea shot down by Vince and the PG restriction greatly limiting whatever they can do. The last good idea Vince had? Santino Marella. Luckily, that's one for the ages.
Here's a pointer for Vince, hire some wrestling writers to run the show. Have guys like Paul Heyman run the RAW creative and have some Hollywood blondes as underlings (see what I did there?). Oh, and give him some leeway. Not the horrible Stephanie McMahon controlled ECW crap we got served under Heyman's reign in 2006. I still have trouble grasping the fact that Bobby "less charisma than a teaspoon" Lashley ran with the belt.
Fuck it, it's like I'm on repeat. When will they finally get the message? With Cena mocking the smart marks last week, by pointing out that they all hate him ... shouldn't that be a message to Vince to change things around, for the better of his business? Or is that just wishful thinking.
I'll probably end up mulling over this endlessly. Dammit.
D~
EDIT DEC 2ND 2010 11.28PM GMT+1: WWE has come to terms on the release of Montel Vontavious Porter (Alvin Burke, jr.) today. bla bla future endeavours bla bla
Not like we didn't see it coming. He's been hinting towards it on twitter, apparently. Matt Hardy called it too, apparently, but I don't tend to take hints from a low life delusional bastard.
I could take this moment and make fun of how WWE officials have no clue how to run the focal point of their business anymore, but it's been somewhat of a running gag in every entry by now, so I'm just gonna leave it up to you to come up with witty remarks on how WWE fucks up once again.
I haven't updated since I last posted the game review, which was a few weeks ago. To be quite honest, college has been a positive pain in the ass the last few weeks, with a whole bunch of assignments coming my way.
Fair deal, it was to be expected, but it's been overwhelming me quite a bit. Combine that with exams coming up, and I'm pretty busy. Goddamn French oral exam every fucking week. I truly truly hate that lecturer.
Anyways, the reason I'm actually writing this blog is because of RAW yesterday 22nd of november 2010.
A pretty normal episode regardless in that it featured skits and wrestling. In fact, more wrestling than anything.
It was strange. Much like last week, CM Punk provided commentary (and is really good at it too!). KOTR qualifiers. Oh, and Cena's goodbye speech. How much more of a work can you make it, man? Everyone who gets fired is let loose with a teeny-tiny message on the website getting future-endeavoured like they're just a number. John Cena gets a 20 minute slot to say goodbye. I Lol'd at it, because it was him taking the piss out of smart marks everywhere. I enjoyed it. He sucks in the ring, but his mic work is natural.
This anonymous general manager bull may now stop. seriously. It's bad enough we have to endure Michael Cole every split second, and now we've been enduring months of him reading from a piece of paper that has been placed in sight so obviously, it's becoming laughable.
However, what was to be expected for months has also happened. Randy Orton lost the WWE title to The Miz. That's right, the reality star turned superstar cashed in and won the belt in what was less of a non-match than the previous cash-ins. Many people, marks and smart marks alike, hate The Miz. I for one believe he's deserved to run with that belt. I don't think he'll hold it for very long, but credit where credit's due ... he earned every bit of it.
Not only is he one of the most hated heels today, he's done a pretty bang up job to make the crowd hate him even more with every passing minute. Props.
I didn't care for him much when he was the host for the Diva search. At that point even, I thought his WWE career would be shorter than Verne Troyer. He didn't even get over at all.
Until he became "awesome". Complete one-eighty right there. Not to mention the fact that his promo skills and in-ring work drastically improved to the point where he can actually put on a good match every time.
What really made it all special for me was the fact that it wasn't a non-match. It was always like that. Difficult match for the champ, MITB caseholder comes in, hits finisher and done. This one actually went back and forth, which made both men look strong in the end. props, I'd say.
Oh, and when Miz actually won, I literally laughed out loud at the fancy camera work. BAM, three count is made, Miz celebrates and the camera zooms in on the thoroughly disappointed faces of the people kids in the crowd. IMMD, seriously.
I don't know how you feel about Miz being WWE champ, but either way you can't deny the fact that he's been working like a madman on improving his game and getting his gimmick over.
As Prince George III said in Blackadder: SAUSAGE REVIEW TIEM!
Last saturday, due to circumstances I was a little early at the scene of my snooker match. Seeing as being 2 hours early doesn't accommodate well, I decided to head out and make my way to the multimedia shop (which I won't plug)
Last Friday saw the release of WWE SmackDown vs RAW 2011, which I said I would buy and review. I bought it, played it rigorously, and the review can be read below. Mind, I haven't exactly finished the game entirely, but did a lot.
First of all, I would like to rant on the DLC only characters. I was looking forward to dominate with the Nexus faction, but seeing as I don't have internet hooked up to my shiny black box, I can't. Shit's formidably bad.
Anyways. Unlike other editions, I secretly had high hopes for this game. The burning question being: "Have they delivered?" . I'll get to that.
I consider this game an overhaul of sorts. Nothing too big, but an overhaul nonetheless. Last year's edition saw a vast improvement on environmental moves and grappling additions. This year, it has been trimmed down, in the hopes of making it more realistic. No biggie, it has been reduced to the bare necessary, mostly.
The Create-A-Finisher saw a new addition to the postion. Corner finishers. Why is beyond me. Perhaps to accommodate to the new object collision improvement? I'm still waiting for my finishers from behind, or the ability to add them as signature moves really.
The new object collision is fantastic. Table hits still look a little messy, but at least the objects react to several outside factors. Ladders now break, tables break accordingly to the angle the superstar hits it, etc. Separate ladder finishers have been added as well. Always wanted to do an Unprettier Killswitch from the ladder. You have been served.
For the most part, it's still the same old soup.
Several new finishers have been added, along with the vast number of wrestlers added. Drew McIntyre's Future Shock and Thee Move Scot Drop Reverse STO, Zack Ryder's Zack Attack ... Future Shock looks horrible by the way. Hardly resembling the actual move. Son, I am disappoint.
The new WWE Universe mode reminds me of the career mode in "WWF SmackDown! 2: Know Your Role!" where you actually have rankings for every title and the ability simulate matches like the General Manager mode. Upside of it? Unlike in General Manager mode way back when, you don't have to bother putting together tedious card after tedious card to get a show running. Game is smart and generates a new show card, based on existing rivalries/alliances.
Of course, you can still override everything and create custom matches if you feel the need for it. Add to that the fact that you can also give yourself any title you like and you're set. Personally, I'm IC Champ (which I got by rising through the ranks, becoming #1 contender in a specific match and defeating Kerwin White's former caddy =) I didn't even know I was gunning for it.
My CAW is also Unified Tag Champ w/ William Regal ... a tradition I've kept up for the past few years. Yeah, I hardly ever play with actual wrestlers. I always use CAW's.
Create-A-Superstar hasn't seen much improvement, aside from the fact that you can add some different clothers and hairstyles. I kid you not, I saw facial hair options that resembled the facial hair of the following people:
Scott Ian from Anthrax
Shavo Odadjian from System of a Down
I kid you not. Ahem, you can also add some new costumes to the mix, including blatantly taking them from a template. In my case, that means a costume as "cinematic attire" (cutscenes)
The Road to Wrestlemania ... well, I wish I could say it was an improvement but it's pretty gimmicky. Wrestlers who don't wanna talk to you mutter funny line after funny line that always comes down to "Get the fuck out of my face". Either way, the dialogue is pretty well written, but the acting leaves much to be desired. The same goes for the digital counterparts of the voice actors and their inability to lipsync. Tiny details, I know.
Story wise, this years RTWM is the shit. Really. the VS Undertaker storyline is amazing, especially adding Paul Bearer and Masked Kane to the mix (you can see why I'm sold). Chris Jericho's storyline is good, Christian's storyline is AWESOME (E&C return, obviously), John Cena's storyline is good (the bad part being actually having to use Cena)
All of these minor details I didn't like (such as having to UNLOCK Regal, and still having no Regalplex) this game is probably the best Yuke's has delivered in years. It's far from perfect and any half-a-brain game reviewer would put it down the pooper (or at least make some very dated wrestling references usually involving the words muscles, oil, tight and spandex) but I liked it.
Spicy detail? There are several versions of it available. Regular versions and special ones. I had my hands on the regular edition until I spotted "The Viper Edition" for the same price. So for no buck extra I got my hands on a signed Randy Orton promo card, access codes for Randy Orton's special attires and .... TA-DUM!
WWE No Mercy 2007 DVD. While it wouldn't be a DVD I'd have to have, it's nice to get it for absolutely zilch. The beauty of this pay per view lies in the fact that it doesn't feature Cena (who had just been injured) and no less than three WWE title matches, all of them having Triple H holding it. I don't care, I'm gonna watch it.
P.S. - Is it inappropriate that I laughed at a segment from yesterday's RAW? The Vinnie Mac coma scene with Freddie Prinze, Jr. being the doctor was somehow hilarious. I didn't like the midterm election plugging though.
